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| Kisam Gurung and Devi Prasad Paudel at Gurung Cottage, Ghandruk |
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| Kisam's wife, myself, Kisam and dad |
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| Kisum, his wife and me
Miteri: A mutual Love
and Respect Beyond Blood and Marriage
Jan 9, 2016, I am at Gurung Cottage, Ghandruk which is owned
by Kisam Gurung. I never ever met him physically but I am so bonded with him
while he called me after reading my book `Khalangama Hamal’ about 2 years back.
I considered him as my MEET brother as envisioned by Action Works Nepal www.actionworksnepal.com or a mutual
love and respect beyond blood and marriage. He found my contact through the
popular singer and artist Amrit Gurung who is his school class fellow when he
was studying at Gandaki Boarding School Pokhara. Indeed, Ghandruk is one of my dreamed
destination since long but it was not made due to various reasons.
Means of Trust and
Communication with Dad:
Even this time, I am here very accidently. My dad is getting
more sick since 2013 when he had swine flu and spent 2 weeks in ICU. He has
other chronic sickness since long and also have depression after death of my
mother 2009. But he is not much expressive specially with me. I only listened
but not neither support nor argue while he was sharing the family matters. In
most cases, I remained always passive listener. Further, he doesn’t trust me
more due to my voluntary work or he thought that I couldn’t do anything because
I don’t have any income or support (single). Even I telephoned him rarely. In
the beginning, I called him rarely because I am travelling too much in such
areas where I hadn’t have connection. Even during my international trip, I
can’t telephone him and he hadn’t had internet so I tried to cultured him in
less connection.
Now days, I myself feeling depressed for long time, I don’t
like to share anything and also didn’t find anyone whom I trust and help me
out. It is fully associated with my organization (Action Works Nepal). Sometimes, I showed concerned while my
sisters talked about dad specially from Samjhna. I always felt guilt that I
amn’t paying attention on him and always promised for improving my habit.
Again, my working areas and commitment, I unable to make it as I promised. When
the time came, I always thought that I am not only his daughter, he has four
daughters but I have hundreds of dads and daughters. I told same to my mom when
she was alive.
When I returned from Dandapari, Kavre, post-earthquake
relief work, Jan 6, 2016, I had called him. It was already 10 days of not
communicating. Even I didn’t call him in English New year 2016. Earlier, I had
called even during valentine day in order to break his silence as well as
educate him with all sorts of cultures. My mobile hadn’t have connection but I
didn’t use other phone which was used by other colleagues that was purchased by
office. He responded, oh ho, where were you ? How much busy you were? I was
just hurt and felt so bad and decided to go home. I couldn’t speak much, I said,
I would call you later, I had another urgent phone now.
In very unplanned manner, I left Kathmandu. I was initiator
of Vigil for demanding Meaningful Dialogue and Peace in Maitighar Mandella, it
was started from Sarlahi during my Madhes trip (Dec 7, 2015). I decided to gave
up it this time. I was at home (Gauriganj) during dark evening. There was power
cut. I directly went dad’s room but he wasn’t there, no one saw me though I
went with Micro bus up to home. Later, when I greet him, he was so surprised and
happy, I observed. I was also happy for a moment. I observed all his
activities, treatment to him by family members as I always as passive observer.
Now days, he didn’t ask me on how long I would stay with
him, because usually I came at night and ran away next morning. He was used to
with this. But I stayed home, chat with him, ate along with him but I didn’t
speak. I didn’t have energy to speak, I had very deep hurt and thinking about
AWON, my life and all. Often I cried but who knows?
When I was lying down on bed at the middle of the day, dad
entered his room. I was confused and suddenly I asked, did you like to ride
elephant? He didn’t say clearly but he wanted to go. I didn’t talk further.
About 2 hours later, when he was again entered in his room, I again asked,
let’s go Pokahra. I also didn’t go since long, I think….. you went to Pokhara
in 2000 when I was working at Fewa City hospital as anaesthetic assistant nurse
with Dr Basanta Panta. He went there to see Dr Pant. He again showed some sorts of interest for
Pokhara. Then I confirmed tourist bus ticket for Pokhara and imagined the places
where should I brought him to see. Suddenly, I remembered the invitation of
Kisam Gurung from Ghandruk. I contacted him. He was also so excited but I
didn’t tell all plan with dad.
Trip To Pokhara and
Ghandruk:
Jan 8, we went to Pokahara, unfortunately, we had to wait an
hour due to accident of other tourist bus for their technical reason but he
enjoyed much by observing his lovely Bandhipur. He came there several times
while he was doing shopping from his maternal cousin’s house (Mamaghar) called
Palung. Later, he also associated with Bandhipur due to test examination of
Bindu sister (my second sister). Indeed, she was failed in test examination at
Prembasti High School and she attempted exam again as private from Bandhipur.
Then, she continuously passed all examinations and doing teaching in
Universities and school. He was saying these all stories with proud. He further
continued, “I hadn’t had money, I knew
about it from neighbourhood (ganga bhauju who just passed away due to cancer )
from her husband because her husband’s younger brother also had same situation
as your sister and he knew this info as teacher. I took a pair of ear ring of
your mom, she was wearing these rings that were only one jewellery of her. She
also always committed for girls study. The rings were second class category and
very lighter so I took loan Nrs 2000 and
applied for your sister’s exam. Your sister made it in many ways…” He wanted to
see entire Bandhipur, because he was
asking about timing, places etc. with nearby shopkeepers, he made friends very
quickly. He is always open and honest so people usually trust, respect and love
him. I was following his conversation.
About 4 Pm, we reached lakeside. We dropped off our bags in hotel
mountain house, no one there due to about 5 months blockade and off tourist
season. This hotel provided only wide, clean two beds room. We walked through
lake side, but very few faces of foreigners.
Hotel hadn’t have many options as mentioned in menu due to gas crisis. I
explained about markets and all. We did short boating and he also played with
fishes, pigeons, photography, worship in temple. While returning to hotel walked
through bank of lake side. There are so many fancy restaurants, bar with Hukka
and various types of wines in cheaper price but no tourist at all. We stopped
by Chinese restaurant. He enjoyed Chinese green tea, homemade vegetable tofu
and meat noodles. We did simple shopping for next day but he didn’t know about
plan. While I was talking with hotel owner about the various locations, he was
repeating the sun rise things of Darjeeling. He was saying, it was all gossip
of sun rise. In Darjeeling, we went to peak by putting alarm at 4 am, there was
so crowd, everyone shouting coming …coming .. but it wasn’t come. The hotel
owner was suggesting for not going Sarankot due to bad weather as well as not
managed vehicle, as well as I asked earlier.
I founded that dad had deep interest to go there, he was
repeating story of Darjeeling time and again. I had talked with Kisam dai about
timing, locations and vehicles to go Ghandruk. He was following my conversation
but constantly reminding me Darjeeling. About 1.30 am, he called me and asked,
let’s go now if you like to go there otherwise we would miss. Again, later he
awoke up at 4 am. Finally, we left hotel at 5.30 am without disturbing hotel
owner. We had already discussed the about the potential plan and did payment
too. It was Nrs 1000 for room only.
It was dark though we were walking bit with my mobile. I saw
a taxi was parking on a road and asking about possibility of sunrise, price and
all. Finally, we went to Sarankot by this taxi in Nrs 1400. The rate for taxi
was expensive due to about five months blockade and #Teraiprotest. It was so
cold, bit raining and super cloudy. We waited and waited but couldn’t see
neither sun nor mountains. It was so sad moment. Dad again talked about
Darjeeling even with other travellers. Most of the travellers were in couple,
quite young or with daughters, living in aboard or foreigner though he was
making followers over there. Again only two foreigner faced noticed. The
tourist sudden falling down. I was silently following their conversation and
took photos sometimes. Then, we went to Harichchock as Kisam dai suggested then
he knew that where we were going. We spent more than 2 hours to ride the Jeep
from there and no places of eating, we just ate fast food. Sadly, our jeep
broken at Naudanda and wasted another 1 hour. We dropped off at the bus park at
2.30 pm.
A young hotel owner, called Bina, suggested to leave the
bags except essential materials because it would take more than hour for you
and porter is expensive here. I suddenly lose my confidence with dad. I
remembered his walking speed while doing for Muktinath in 2006 and his
deteriorating lungs. I liked the idea, I
did same but I did mistake that missed dad’s warm pants for night.
Ghandruk a Clean Village:
The foot trail is very clean as more than Pokhara, we met
few girls who were carrying firewood, women who carrying fodders and few young
boys who were returning from aboard. Everyone so lovely, clean and cheerful.
Even the women who were carrying firewood and fodders, their clothes were so
clean, they used boot shoes. I was so impressed. I asked about Gurung Cottage
about 100 times due to dad’s sickness. I got responses against each enquiry
with warm welcoming. It is all about commitment, community harmony, unity and
strategic leadership. Gurung community
no matter whether it is in Ghalegaun, Lamjung or Ghandruk are so sweet in each
perspective and I found Ghandruk is the cleanest and the community with harmony
in my journey as if Jan 2016.
Dad had problem while climbing up. Sometimes, he talked but most of the time
remained silent. He remembered the Samjhna’s Ghandruk’s trip and broken her
legs about 15 years back. He also remembered
the trip of Muktinath. It was 2006, when I was working in CEDPA Nepal and my
mom was alive. We rode bus from Kathmandu to Pokhara, next day flew to Jomsom
and walked up to Muktinath. Dad was blue while we were in Kagbeni due to cold
and he fallen in floor while clmbing up the Kagbeni towards Muktinath. He said,
his legs got so lethargic while stepping up. I was bit anxious due to his
lungs, had have tuberculosis, swine flu and other illness. I was thinking that
I did wrong decision. I was worried about my siblings that they will kill me if
dad would have something wrong. He is already 80 years old. Finally, I darely
asked, let’s returned, nothing would go wrong if we will back. But he didn’t
agree.
It took 3 hours to reach Gurung Cottage, where as Kisuam
dais said 30-40 minutes walk. He is true and that is for him not for me and
dad. Kisum dai is popular in village,
everyone directing us to reach him. He wasn’t there but we started to take rest
on garden and I started to take photo of village, garden. I also ordered veg
soup for me and mutton soup for dad to regain energy. After a while, a lady
came and greet us and asking about us. I replied, I was sister of Kisam dai,
she was confused, I noticed. Later, Kisam dai came, we hugged though we met
first time physically. I brought few items as souvenir for him from Pokhara. He
said, I don’t care about amount, but I do care the respect and value you made.
We all smiled at least a moment.
Gurung Cottage at
Ghandruk: A connector for peace building
Gurung Cottage served us very nicely like princess and king.
Dad got special treatment due to my dad and as well as his wife also from
Chitwan. We founded double forms of mutual love and respect as we practiced as
MEET. There were many guests in group, few were in family. The parents brought
their girls where boys came without parents or with their gang or group. We had
dinner along with them and started to watch local gurung culture based singing
and dancing.
 It was so amazing. I also joined in dancing though neither I am good in it not my legs allowed me to flex well. Dad was also loved all performance but he had living in veranda with warm blankets. I noticed that the local people were representing only elders and children which reflected that young generation should be either in Pokhara or Kathmandu or aboard for work. In Nepal, usually Gurung community loved to join British army since second world war. 
Other guests were interested to do camp fire along with
drinking and dancing. But Kisam dai negotiated with them and not allow to do
all. He was dealing very gently. He is from Gurung ethnicity though he is
non-smoker, non-alcohol user or exceptional one. He also very strict in the
hotel where he doesn’t allow to drink much, no quarrel or any unsocial words or
activities.
The weather is cold but the blankets were so warm, I felt
sweat at middle of the night. Dad awoke up at 3 am and he had very bad cough
and sounded his lungs was swollen due to infection. I couldn’t sleep. I was so
worried about dad’s health and my siblings. It was very wrong decision. I
simply took 30-40 minutes after Jeep but I didn’t check the altitude 1940
meter, cold and others. I must bring some emergency medicines which were used
by dad and also would better If I had company for emergency. I was trying to
figure out the health post, stretcher, jeep …… A health worker was in our jeep
while we were coming to Ghandruk but I didn’t speak with him, just guessed that
he was bringing stretcher and some medicines. While walking in Post-earthquake
areas (in boarder to Kavre, Sinduli and Makwanpur or Banakhuchaur), I met many
patients were carrying in stretcher, same as in Jumla or other remote areas but
not here. I didn’t see any person look like sick or sick. Dad was using two blankets and I had given
balm which was in my bag for my legs. I had very hard time to sleep with my
legs almost every day and more while I was walking in mountains. But I didn’t
tell to anyone because they didn’t like my way of working or restriction on my
mobility. I wanted to do whatever I can. I saw many people in village that they
were working with broken legs or other sickness and taking care of their
husbands, children and entire family. They are my an inspiration, I must have
done if they can. Additionally, I have feeling that I have to do more due to
not having biological babies.
Dad got bit better, I was counting his heart beats and
respiration. He was saying that I would be ok, nothing to be worried. We both
slept in the morning. We had enjoyed with three mountains Annapurna, HimShikhar
and Fishtail. Annapurna and HimShikhar had snow but not at Fishtail. I had
continuously watched Fishtail from 1990 to 1994 when I was studying in Nursing
Campus Pokhara. It was my source of inspiration, love, hope and all. I was sad
when it was covered by cloud when I open my door at first in the morning in my
dormitory. I saw these mountains couples
of time by very near while I went to field trip to Baglung and other trips
nearby districts. Dad started to sit in kitchen where boys preparing breakfast.
Due to boarder blockade, Gurung Cottage also started to use firewood which was
against their regular practice. Kisam dai is the idea master who able to
motivate to all hotel owners and villagers to protect forest for sustainable
tourism and development. I was very busy to take photos of other guests. I
hadn’t have camera, I just used my second hand mobile it is not much smart as
others. I was directing the pose while taking photographs, I really happy while
being at the yard of Ghandruk where I was feeling that I was playing at the
mother earth specially mountains.
We had very tight schedule, I liked to get down as early as
possible to bring dad in safe place but we weren’t chat much with Kisam dai and
Bhauju because they were working all the time. Along with cooking boys, they
were working everything, there was no discrimination at all. Kisam dai was
running instead of walking, smiling all the time, no wearing much clothes and
sounded very strong and healthy where as he is 50 years old. After breakfast, he had managed some time to
chat with dad where as I was busy with chatting a Korean math teacher who came
Ghandruk three times already and have a plan to come next year as well.
Later, we took photos with Kisam dai, his wife. I loved to
wear Gurung dress. It was really very lovely moment in my life time. From Kisam
dai and his wife, I learned so many things for my life, work and nation. He is
really great role model for many of us for social
entrepreneur, tourism, community development and peace building. Today, the
village is being empty but Kisam is returned to village 20 years before when he
graduated from a very renounced school called Gandaki Boarding School. During
these day, he was bad son for his parents and society due to not joining
British army. His wife and in laws got so many blaming and discrimination due
to returning to village and starting to very unpopular business called hotel
for tourism. The place like Ghandruk might like by all visitors for a day or
week but not for years to years. Kisam and his wife chosen the most challenging
way of life.
In Ghandruk, Kisam was first person who started to operate
Gurung Cottage by focusing both Nepali and foreign tourist which was
organically started from second world war from the friends of VC from this
community. Due to not having hotels or place for accommodation and food, they
came with so many porters and brought all materials for tenting, camping and
all which was not easy at all. Kisam was following these practices since childhood.
One day, he was so determined to returned back to village and started tourism
in very sustainable manner. He replied when I asked about his motivational
factor, he might earn bundles of money in Pokhara or Kathamndu to aboard as
like his relatives and friends but he equally potential to get second level of
status. In his words, yo paji bhote na ho paisa kamayer thulo hunkhochha (he is
finally from Ghandruk community, no matter how much money he earned..). He worked so hard, walked here and there, didn’t
sleep well, eat well. He was so busy to motivate villagers, bringing materials,
arranging money, building trust within family, community, bringing tourists and
serving the best service to them as guest is god.
Gradually, he is flying with color. Villagers follow him.
Many youths are returning to village and started to build new hotels. He
mobilized the community people and come up the ways on how to remain clean and
why should we remain clean. He added, Ghandruk community are the best people in
the world so many people come to see them so they have to show their clean
faces and dresses. This is how the community started to wear Gurung’s
traditional dress all the time in clean manner. Likewise, he leverages the
resources from district development committee and facilitate to construct
toilet in all households who were poor without any political color. He also able
to manage to declared the open field defecation village where none of the
political leaders involved.
Kisam, promoted the local culture through singing and
dancing. If the guests were interested, the local singing and dancing made by
the mother’s club where they also benefitted financially. They got the entire
money from the guests. Hotel are only mediators. Kisam is always worried about
sustainability of the tourism and development so he able to organize and
mobilize all hotels which has same level of price and quality. All hotels take
ownership towards guests, there was no any signs of pulling and pushing of
guests. In order to improve the income
and enhance the ownership among villagers who have not hotels but producing
local materials, they sell the materials directly to the guests. As local
norms, guests usually walk around the villages, home stay, museum, interaction
with people and also get the opportunity to buy local materials from the
producer directly. There is no chance for middle person or broker. He also
accommodates young girls and boys who discontinued their education due to some
reason for training and help them to start their life and business. During our
stay, two man came and discussed about the broken of wooden bridge. He fixed
the issues by mobilizing people. He often organizes the meeting to discuss on
how to maintain cleanliness, how to avoid abuses and harassment to guest and
entire community, how to develop more sustain development models, how to
increase more guests etc. Because of his efforts, the Nepali guests also get
equal status and care in Ghandruk which is not usually not common in Nepal
because everyone so profit oriented. He added, now the community realized that
the Nepali folks are the best for sustainability. Now the country is in very
difficult situation since last about 5 months but the hotels were fully occupied
by Nepali folks.
By considering all activities of Kisam and his wife, they
are great source of inspiration, role model, organic experts for tourism and
sustainable development. More importantly, he is hidden hero of transforming
rural model. My deep respect, love and bundles of salute to him. I encouraged
him to write book which would very crucial for all and specially for tourism
and hotel management. I really serious to preserve his knowledge, skills and
inspiration by writing his bio, making documentary and connecting him with
universities, NGOs for resource person. He had made so much now the time to
multiply and felicitate him. The Bagmati Cleansing campaign activists including
immediate chief secretary Lilamani Poudel also have to learn from Kisam on
mobilizing local people, building them as leaders not themselves for
sustainable development.
He has three daughters and two sons (twins) and studying in
Pokhara. Two first daughters are doing hotel management. He invests his income
to his children’s education. I brought $1000 to his first daughter Alisa for
her tuition fee. He is very caring dad, husband, friend, REAL Man and my MEET
daju.
Jan 10, 2016, dad and me left the Kisam dai and his wife
about 10. We visited Gurung Museum so quickly and rush to catch the bus. Dad
walked more fast as compare to yesterday. He liked steeping down but I hate due
to my legs. We met so many young boys on the way to bus park. We had very quick
local lunch and returned to Harichock, Pokhara at 3 pm where our taxi driver
was waiting to us. Dad wanted to see more places. He loses his confidence. He
was telling to Kisam dai and Bhauju to come to his hometown when they would
come Chitwan. He couldn’t come to see them because he is getting weaker and
older, he added. I saw first time in my life that he is giving up. Dad is
getting pressure to returned early to Chitwan for his second grand daughter who
lives in Australia. He replied with strongly, no need to go back with
hurriedly, very hard to come again due to money, time and all. I didn’t like to
verify again. He was spending the money in the beginning but said at Gurung
Cottage, I had only Nrs 1500. I smiled and said, I had money. Though I hadn’t
earn a single money since long, have money for you. Kisam dai denied to take
money for all services. Indeed, it was priceless, I couldn’t pay what they
extended. They get dad, I get brother and sister in law.
My mobile off due to power. We went to Bat cave, Mahendra cave.
I showed him K I Singh bridge, Manipal Hospital, PN campus. We stopped by at Mahendra
bridge to see Seti river and showed the place where I always walked through for
making phone call for dad while I was studying at Pokhara nursing campus. We
also went to Nursing campus. It has same buildings but sounded very old and
ugly. During my days, it was so decorated always like newly bride. Dad enrolled
me nursing campus by considering the hardship in forestry. Without knowing
anything, I studied nursing but it remained my strengths and pride always in
each national and personal crisis. I went to dormitory, met few staffs, showed
all my rooms, Kitchen and mentioned all process. Dad came to nursing campus to
admit me by walked from forestry campus 21 years before. Then, we went to hotel
lonely planet via taxi driver, found very regular. We were only one guest sadly
due to again petrol crisis and blockade. We walked though lakeside, dad had
dinner at Thakali Kitchan but I hadn’t had anything except water. I felt tired
and overwhelmed with all experiences.
In hotel we neither get hot water at bathroom not for drink,
and few more no in lists. We left hotel at 7.30 am and went to Gupteswor
Mahadev, Devis Fall and International Mountain Museum. All were first time to
me as well. I found museum more impressive and inspirational. We left Pokara at
11 am and reached Gauriganj at 7 Pm and called to Kisam dai that we reached Chitwan
safely.
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